


Challenge Day 22: Crestwood

by Solas_Dreadwolf



Series: Solavellan Hell Art Challenge 2020 [22]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Crestwood (Dragon Age), F/M, Lavellan/Solas Angst (Dragon Age), Solas breaks up with Lavellan, Solavellan, Solavellanhellartchallenge2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24020746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solas_Dreadwolf/pseuds/Solas_Dreadwolf
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, Lavellan & Solas
Series: Solavellan Hell Art Challenge 2020 [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703923
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Challenge Day 22: Crestwood

It took him a while to made his resolve. To have the courage to do what had lingered in the depth of his mind for a while now. Something in him changed, and he knew that she was the one who caused that change in him. Because she changed everything. She changed the way that he viewed this world, made him see beauty in it. A beauty that he had not been able to see when he had woken up to this world.  
The world had shifted as well with his mistakes, succumbed to something that he deemed not to be worth saving. But he was questioning that as well since he met her. Fae had shown wisdom that was worthy of the ancient elves. She acted with subtlety and was able to see so many good things in this dreadful world. Probably because she did not know better. Yet he could not deny that there was some light and that there could be beauty as well.  
He questioned himself for his judgment, wondered if things were not as bad as he saw them at first. She managed that he questioned almost everything, even himself. Solas started to see value in the world that appeared so wrong at first, and he started to respect her, deeply so. That respect had evolved into love soon enough, and he realized too late that he fell for her. Deeply so.  
The problem was that falling in love was something that was not supposed to happen. There could only be hurt and pain in the end and yet...he allowed himself to fall for her anyway.  
That he loved her was the reason for his conflict, and he needed a long time to find a resolve. She deserved the truth. Deserved to know about him and his duty. He owned her that, and he made his decision to tell her the truth after they encountered the ancient elves in Mythals temple.  
Fae needed to hear this, because she deserved to know. Solas might have seen her as a stubborn Dalish at first, but she soon held a special place in his heart. He did not want to hide from her any longer. But there also was a part of him that was afraid. Afraid that she would not see reason in his plans and afraid that she would call him a liar and a madman as well. She probably would even though she was that bright minded and wise woman. She grew up as a Dalish as well which meant that she could believe, that he, Fen'harel was someone that would corrupt her, deceive her.  
Solas took her to Crestwood regardless, because he wanted to tell her no matter what the consequences would be. He braced himself for the possibility that she would leave him and that this might be something that was inevitable.  
His resolve faltered as soon as he looked into her eyes though. These affectionate and warm brown eyes that looked up at him. A look into her eyes was everything that it took to make him falter and question if this was really the resolve that he wanted to come up with.  
He could not say it in the end and made up something else while he cursed himself for being such a coward after all. It angered him that he was unable to speak the words, that he actually intended to say, ended up to tell her about the Vallaslin.  
This was not what he wanted to say to her, was not the truth that he wanted to share with her. She looked so hurt over the fact that she wore slave marks on her face, he dreaded the way that he worded it at once. He could not bear to look at her like that, could not bear to look at her devastated and sad expression.  
That was why he offered her to take the Vallaslin away, asked her to sit down before he kneeled in front of her. Only for her he would kneel like that, because no matter what, she was his equal – his Vhenan.  
“Ar lasa mala revas.” his words echoed trough the cave while he looked at her, took in her unsure expression. “You're beautiful.” he told her with a genuine and fond expression, watched as her eyes lit up, a rosy color settling on her cheeks. She really was beautiful, and he loved to watch her face, not tainted by the Vallaslin anymore.  
“Thank you.” she breathed out, not knowing what words she should form beyond them. But her eyes told him enough. There she was – the woman that he called Vhenan. The woman that he loved more than anything else in this world and the woman whose lips felt so soft when he kissed her.  
Solas could not keep himself from bending down, to feel those lips again, feel her arms that moved to caress the back of his head in the same way that she always held his neck or caressed his skin when they kissed. He relished into that kiss as well, letting his arms caress her back gently at first before he moved to cup her buttocks as the kiss grew more heated and desperate.  
The kiss was what made him realize how deep those feelings for her truly were, how they had almost lured him to tell her everything. That was, what made him realize that he would do everything for her if she should ask him to do so. With her, he would forget about his duty. He would forget about the elves and the disastrous world because she would make it worth to live in it.  
This was something that he could not allow. It was his fault that the world was in this state, and he was the one that should fix it. Even though if this meant that he needed to let go of the one and only person that meant something to him. Because he could not allow himself to forget, no matter how much he wished to live that easy life with her. To live as Solas the apostate and fade loving elf instead of Fen'harel who was the god of rebellion and meant to set his people free. He could not be that simple man after all, and he could not take her with him.  
He was not Solas, he was Fen'Harel, the elven god when he broke the kiss, gazed at her one last time with a fond expression before it shifted to one of deep sorrow and regret. Ending it now was kinder in the long run and his heart clenched with each word that he said to her. Broke with each step that she took in his direction as he pulled away, defending his body with his hands.  
He did so because he knew that it would be over if she would touch him. That he would lose his resolve if she managed to sneak her way in. “I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” his voice was hoarse and sounded broken as he pulled away completely.  
It hurt, deeply so, and he turned away from her cowardly. Solas did not want to see her broken eyes, did not want to see what he did to her. He could hear the thud of a body as she landed in the grass, could hear the sobs that escaped her lips as she cried.  
She could not see the tears that he shed, he tried to compose his body, not wanting to show her that he was shaken as well. This was not how it was supposed to be, and he never would have thought that she would be the price that he needed to pay.  
He couldn't allow her to follow after that path, couldn't allow her to see what he would become.  
For a short time he had thought that he could live in peace, but he knew, in the end he would die alone.


End file.
